Happy New Years!!!

Well all. It's time for a New Year.... Happy 2012!! Year of the..... (looking it up on google)... Dragon. That's the year. The year of the Dragon. Go dragons. :)

So yes. That is the new year. I hope everyone has a good New Year, goals, etc. I don't know that I have many New Years goals. Last year my goal was to keep up this blog. And seeing as I am still doing it, it's going pretty good. I would have to say that my new goal is to do good in school. Since that's the only thing that I am really doing right now school.

My break is almost over. Only a week left, then my new semester. :) I'm nervous, excited, worried, happy, eager and dreading it all at once. So... we'll just have to see how it goes. But, school aside, my break was very good. I enjoyed visiting Colorado a lot. It was nice to be with my brothers and dad. I also enjoyed hanging out with my dear friend, Hotty. It's been a long time since I've seen her and we have had a great time :D Since Hotty has the camera with all our spiffy pictures, you can have a colorful christmas tree. Since it's kind of Christmas.

Also! My little brother, Chris, got baptized. It was amazing. It seriously was. There's been a lot of talk on wether or not he should, but after the experience, I really think that was what was supposed to happen. Even Corey felt the spirit. It was great. I'm unsure if Christian really understood what exactly happened, but I know that the spirit was there. Wesley baptized Chris and my dad confirmed him. He is now an official member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

All right. So that is the sum up of the past week or so. Now, time for the New Years bit. Year 2011... How as it been??? Well... it's definitely had it's ups and downs.... In order of what happened:

• Last New year, I spent with Adam. It was the last time I saw him in person... and it was amazing. 
• I finished up my first year of USU and started my second year.
• I turned 19. My birthday was fun, I enjoyed it. And Adam was a sweetheart. He sent me 2 dozen roses. 
• Did a lot of school work and survived my computer breaking down for weeks on end...
• Got a car. It's still running all right :)
• Adam passed away. May 28th. (I must admit I'm still having a hard time... but, I'm doing a lot better) ((it was also an experience that helped me trust in the lord as well as realize how amazing my good friends are))
• Worked at summer camp. Hard, but good....
• Watched as a lot of my guy friends left to serve LDS missions. They are all doing well. I know people in Argentina, Australia, Sweden, Arizona, Texas.... It's fun to hear from all of them. And it's great that they are serving the lord.
• Started my second semester of school and moved in with my amazingly cool aunt Mindi
• Spent a lot of time with cousins, doing homework, watching tv shows, and earning some money
• Halloween and then Thanksgiving and now Christmas

So yes, that was my year. I'll admit... it was a hard year and definitely not my best. But, there have been things I've learned this year. And I know that I will keep the attitude of "Just because something bad happened, doesn't mean you can't be happy." And I will do that for 2012 as well. My plans this year are simple. Just get through school and then do summer camp as usual. I'll just see how my year goes.

I hope everyone has a good New Years and a very good year. Goodbye 2011 (And for the fun of it, have some Doctor Who)

Holiday Seasons

Wow... it's high time I update this. Crazy that the last time I did was in October. Sorry November, I sorta ignored you.

Well, as to what has been going in my life. It's been sorta busy. Mainly cause I got a job in November and was super busy. It wasn't really the best job, just a way to get christmas money. And then school got super intense and I had a lot of homework and projects and wow.... that month just went by super fast.

So, after Halloween, I did a lot of school and work and earning money and doing projects. Summary of my life right there. I quit my job last weekish, so that I could have no late nights during finals. As far as I know my finals went good. My physics could have gone better, but I got an A in the class, so that's all that matters. I haven't gotten my grade for my History final yet, but that's all good.

Highlight of my whole finals/projects was my Harry Potter essay. Many of you have heard of this essay. Over this semester in my English 2010 class we had this whole write-a-huge-essay-and-work-on-it-through-the-whole-semester sort of thing. So I chose to write my essay on The Positive Effects of Harry Potter in the Classroom. Yes, pretty much my essay was about how great Harry Potter is. I worked pretty hard on this essay, and I am really proud on how it turned out. The best part about it is that USU does this competition called the Voices competition for Essays in the English classes. And so I randomly submitted my essay into that and won $50 and I think it's getting published. I don't know yet. But hey, $50 for working on my homework. I like it. :D So here is a picture of Harry Potter for you guys, cause I need pictures in my blog and all that.

All right on going with my life. So, I finished all my projects and finals and am now on Christmas break, which is really nice. I am liking it. I am super excited for this christmas. Since I got a job and earned enough money to get nicer things for my family. So I spent more than I ever have on family gifts for christmas. Like, my brothers get nice things this year from me instead of cheap $5 things. So I am super excited for them to get their gifts. I got to see my friends, I get to spend time not only with my mom but I also get to go to CO and visit my dad. So things are good.

Also, fun fact. I believe Dec 31 my little brother Chris is getting baptised as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Which is really cool. He's autistic and 14 so... it's cool that he gets to. He's super excited. I love him. He's a sweetheart. I got to sit in on a missionary discussion with him and he just was really good. A little goofy, but he did well. He loves the missionaries and I'm sure the missionaries are liking the experience to work with him. They both seem excited. So, here is a picture of me and Chris for your enjoyment. This was taken this past summer. Alas, I am too lazy to upload my more recent ones. 

So, Finals, Christmas Break, Chris's Baptism.... I think that's what's happening. Yes. Most recently I got to spend a day out with my mom. Which was amazing. We needed it. We went christmas shopping for everyone and just talked and goofed around. I also have spent a lot of time hanging out with Wes just goofing around and watching shows and having fun. So things have been good.

Also, just because I do this, I have to update you on how much of a nerd I am. I found this amazing band called Chameleon Circuit. I love them a lot. They are a band based in the UK that sing their own songs based off of Doctor Who. Yes...  But I love them. Also, a boy named Alex Day. He's a part of Chameleon Circuit, but also does his own stuff. So, I've been listening to them a lot. I think I'm gonna need to buy their cds... but that might have to wait a month or so cause I spent a lot of money for Christmas, so I'm going to just cool off on the money buying til after textbooks and other school fees are done. But, anyway... I like them. If you are interested in jumping on my nerd bandwagon, you can find their stuff on youtube. :)

Yes, that is my life. You haven't missed much. And you'll hear from me soon cause I have this goal of posting a review of 2011 for a New Years post. So.... yeah. We'll see if I remember that. And if I do it.Until then farewell. Thanks if you did read this and are now here at the bottom of the page. Good job. :)

Autumn Fun

So, in the spirit of trying to update my blog regularly... here is another update. Though.... again, not much has happened since October 16.... wow... I'm doing pretty good at updating if it's only been 8 days. Of course the main reason I am updating is cause one of my classes was cancelled and I have an extra hour before Insitute.... and nothing to do. But, this time I will upload a picture. Just let me get to it.

Back to what has been going on in my life.... It is Halloween. Or the week before/the weekend of Halloween. Which is fun. Though, I may be too old for trick or treating, I still have a costume. I'm being Velma from Scooby Doo. Just cause I'm that awesome. This decision was made partly because of the great influence of both my mom and Adam. Adam really wanted me to be Velma... to the point where he would make me say Jinkies and then I felt stupid. But hey, whatever made him smile. You have to admit I look kind of like her. I have the black thick frame glasses, short brown hair, and with an orange sweater and red miniskirt, I'm good!! Alas, I have no one else from the Scooby Gang.... but that's okay, it will still be fun to be her anyway. There are a few Halloween parties that I will be going to... such as the Big Band Swing halloween party and my relief society halloween party and I should be dressing up for both.

Staying with my aunt Mindi has been great. It's so nice for her to include me in her family activities. It makes me feel so welcome. Especially since a lot of my friends have been super busy, so I haven't really hung out with them very much. Because of that, I spend a lot of time with her family and I've grown to love them more and more. Yes, with time you can get past the screams of a house with three girls under the age of 13. I've now learned to differentiate between a scream that I have to run and see if they are all okay, and a "Shay took my cookie" or
"Beth won't let me watch this" scream. I must say I feel pretty accomplished at this, since I'm used to living with three younger brothers, where a scream meant something was happening. But, I love them anyway.

I do miss my bros.... Especially because Wesley is dating now. Well... he is a senior in high school... Which is really weird. I can't believe he's gonna graduate... he's supposed to stay little. Ah well. But it is fun to tease him and talk to him. He's well known in his school as being a stud and he often complains to me about how to deal with so many girls after him. Poor Wes..... lol

Anyway, back to Autumn fun. We did carve pumpkins sometime between my last post and now. So I will upload a pic of that. My pumpkin was awesome. It was a pumpkin eating another pumpkin. :D And... I've rediscovered my love for pumpkin seeds. Those things are addicting... and I think I have had enough salt to last me a life time. But still.... super salty pumpkin seedy goodness Mmmmmmm

Oh! Another update. I will tell you, that I now have a new favorite show. Well... in my list of favorite shows. Landing a second place spot, Merlin :D Let's see.... List:
1) Doctor Who
2) Merlin
3) The Mentalist
4) Psych
5) Chuck
6) Suits
7) Supernatural
8) Ouran High School Host Club
from here on out the list just gets blurred cause I can't pick and choose anymore.... Anyway, my new and current show Merlin. Yes, it is BBC which makes it ten times more cheesy and dramatic than any American show. But, that's okay. Cause I like the cheese and drama and it is a cool show. It's about Merlin and King Arthur before Arthur is king. I found it on Netflix and spent a couple of weeks watching it in my spare time. And Now, I love it. So... if you ever feel the need to watch a BBC drama/action/cheese/some romance in a medieval time period with magic then feel free to watching this show.

Yes, so there is my update and what is going on in my life. I hope I didn't bore you. I try to be entertaining in these. I'm not even sure who is reading them. Perhaps you should say you've read it if you have..... then I can get a general count. Lol you don't have to. Much love to whoever cares about me enough to keep up with my life.

Being cold....

All right. So, I know that I am lame for never ever updating this. At least I got it down to once a month. That's pretty good isn't it???? I think it is...... Monthly updates!!! Perhaps more if you are lucky.

Another story. I am at school. In the computer lab. Hiding from the rain and snow. Due to this, I do not have any pictures that I can use to show you guys how I am doing. Maybe I might be able to get one or two off facebook.... but I don't know. Most of my stuff is still on my camera. Yes, I know..... some day there will be a time when I actually update things more regularly.

What has happened since September???? Wellllll...... School. Lots of school. I think I'm about halfway through the semester now. Not too bad. So far things are going good. I can't quite guarantee that though, because in one of my classes the test scores haven't come back and I am really worried about that. But other than that. Things are going quite well. I love my Swing class. Dancing is so so so much fun!!! I love it. We've gotten some very complicated moves down now, so I feel sorta professional. At least moreso than I was. My physics class isn't too bad. Not very stressful. It's very easy.... I think my high school physics class was way more difficult. My Elementary Ed class is fun. It makes me excited for when I will actually do things in my major. I finished my observations in the classroom and have to type those up. I also finished my service hours. They went by very quickly. I wish I could have spent more time in the classroom. I might volunteer some more so I can do that. Also... My english class is pretty good. Despite it being at 7:30 in the morning, I like it. We're writing super long essays but working up to them. If you didn't know already, I'm writing my 8-9 page paper on Harry Potter and how it benefits children. Best essay ever!!!

Summary of my life right there.

I've been applying for jobs. Still haven't found one. I hope that I will be able to soon. Now that I've applied for my major I'm not as worried about things. I'm going to be looking a lot more now. I check USU's job board almost every day for new listings. Hopefully something will come up.

That's roughly it. There's a reason I haven't really updated in so long. My life is boring. But there you have it. Again, I apologize for the lack of pictures. I like posting up pictures. It's fun.

Farewell, thanks for taking the time to read this. Or reading this because you have nothing better to do. Either way. :D

First Week of School

All right, I admit it.... I'm a slacker. I know I need to update this more often. Seriously. It's kind of ridiculous that I only have one post in August, and now this is my first post in September. -sigh- Yeah.... I should fix that... maybe. If I'm not too busy or lazy or have other things happening. :/

I'm officially back in Utah. No more Colorado. Which is sad, I miss it there. Love Colorado a lot. The drive to Utah was good. Until my car broke down.... like a bajillion times. I thank my friends, specifically Katie and Meghan for letting me room with them. And dealing with my anger at my car. It's a good thing I had my entire life packed in the trunk so I didn't need to worry about having nothing to stay over night. ^^; Anyway, my car is fixed and doing good. It hasn't caused me problems since. So I have high hopes for it.

While in Utah, I did spend time with friends. And I had some fun with my mom and brothers. More my mom than my brothers, since they were in Colorado a lot with me before I got to see my mom. It was nice to see her, cause I hadn't seen her all summer, except when I came for Adam's funeral. Yup, my mom is awesome. I would just like to point that out.

I did finally get to see Adam's grave, with the headstone. I stayed there for at least two hours, just talking to him. I miss him a lot. I cried... and prayed and talked. It's kind of revealing to talk to him because I know he's still listening. I really do miss him. And I hope he approves of what I'm doing with my life. How I am doing, how I keep going. I hope he approves of whoever I end up with. Knowing him, he'll be jealous. But, I honestly do wish he were here. I would spend all day at the cemetery talking with him if I could. Too bad I'm two hours away... If he were still alive, he would be in Utah right now, visiting from Germany. We had plans to hang out every weekend, since I had school and he wanted to see his family. He was going to come up to see me one weekend and I was going to go down and see him another. I still have the dates of when he was flying in on my calendar. Gosh.... I need to stop otherwise I will type myself to tears. I'm already almost doing that. Anyway, I visited him and left him flowers, and notes. Then the sprinklers came on... and chased me away. I got super wet. But, at least I saw him.

That's Adam's headstone. It's really beautiful. I gave him the purple flowers and the flag bucket. I actually wrote on the bucket too. And hid notes inside it for him. :) But, I'm really glad I got to see it. To the right you see a 7-up bottle and there's some skittles there too. That's actually his favorite drink and candy. No joke. I was wondering who gave those to him. It made me laugh to see those. Anyway, I miss him a lot.

Onto more happy events.....

I did start school! Yes, my second year of college. Go Aggies!!! USU for the win!! I am having a good semester. I love my classes. Well, most of them. I'm taking History, Eled 1010, English 2010, Physics, and Big Band Swing level 2. And Institute. All of them are great. They all have their own workload... I think the class I'm most worried for is History. It's all exams, nothing else.... essay exams. I'm just worried cause if I bomb one, there's goes my grade. But other than that, great schedule. I love Big Band Swing. I'm in the club and I'm trying out for the Swing Team. The tryouts are this Saturday, so... I hope I do well. I'm also applying for my program this year. The applications are due Oct. 1, so.... I'm working on that. But, I love things right now. My school day is usually over by 1pm. So I do hope to get a job. I'm still looking....

I am living with my aunt. Which is working. I love it here. I love spending time with the family, and going to school and everything. Things have just been working out nicely. It's good. :)

I really don't have any other exciting updates. I'm on my second week of school and just going with the flow. There haven't been any big USU events or football games or anything like that yet. So, I don't have any other cool pictures. I wish I did. I think it makes blogs more epic.

I should be starting a blog for my cousin Tyler who is serving his mission in Sweden. He's been sending us letters. I've mentioned the blog thing to my aunt... who likes the idea, but I'm the only one who blogs. So.... maybe it will happen. :D

Love you all. I hope to get better at this blogging thing.

The Last of Colorado

All right... What's funny, is that I meant to update this over a week and a half ago. It was on my list of things to do, but never really happened. Yeah, lame. Now I'm finally doing it. I apologize for not doing this sooner. My bad. Let's see.... what has happened since I last updated???? :/

First thing. Scott finally left for his mission. It's strange, I've been waiting all summer for that to happen and if finally did. Wow. He had a great farewell. The talk was awesome and I enjoyed hanging out with his family and a bunch of our friends at his farewell party. He's been at the MTC for about two weeks now. So, I'm sure that's great for him. It's strange to not have him here though. I hang out with Hotty all the time, and we'll make a joke and I pull out my phone to text it to Scott... and duh... He doesn't have a phone. Ah well. I hope he has a good time, and I look forward to hearing all his cool mission stories. I'm sure he will have some good ones after going all the way to Australia. Wow. :D So below is the picture of Me, Scott and Hotty at his farewell. He left for the MTC the monday after. Go Scott!! You'll be an awesome missionary.

I finished working at my summer camp. It was lots of fun. I enjoyed meeting so many wonderful friends. Camp really helped me. Having something to do really helped with everything. I loved working with all the young girls. Working with children is something I really love, which is why I'm going into Special Ed. Yeah, camp was great. Sometimes stressful. Sometimes tiring. But great all the same. Yeah, that's me. We had green staff shirts. This horrid green. lol

Fun thing!!! Super fun and super exciting. I got a stereo for my car!!!! My car's radio was broken and didn't work... and so I bought a radio for my car. Now my car can play music!! Yes, cause my car is that awesome. For those people who don't think my car is awesome cause it is 21 years old.... then you don't have the full appreciation of my car. I'm still just so excited for the awesomeness of my radio that can play music.

So, because I had a working radio, my 8 hour roadtrip back to Utah wasn't so bad. I had to cram all my junk in the trunk so that my brothers could fit their stuff in the cab. And then I drove me and my 3 brothers back to Utah from Colorado. So, yes, sadly I'm not in Colorado anymore. I'm really gonna miss it there. I love Colorado. It's just so peaceful there and the atmosphere is just amazing. Anyway, I am now back in Utah. And did get to see my mom. Which is awesome. Last time I saw my mom was during Adam's funeral... so I know it was hard for both of us. Right now, though things are still hard, at least I'm smiling.

GO USU AGGIES!!! Yes, I am going back to school..... soon- ish..... :D I don't know whether to be excited or not. I'm glad to be going back and being able to see all my good friends. And there are some classes that I am looking forward to. But, this semester is also gonna be stressful. I have to do all the tests and stuff to get into my program. I know I have at least 3 tests right when I get there. Super annoying. That, I like I've said before.... I am unsure of the whole situation as of now. With Adam's death still lingering, I don't know how being in a more social atmosphere will help or not help me. I'm sure it will do me a lot of good. But, I'm still a bit apprehensive. Either way, going to school at the end of the month and that will be nice. Hopefully :)

Sorry for not updating sooner. I hope you enjoy reading this. If you read it and then you got to the bottom. I congratulate you.

Coffee Cake

Don't judge me. I'm eating some really delicious coffee cake right now. It is yummy. And it is my breakfast. Mmmmmmmm

So, I'm down to the second to last week of camp. So, this week then and then one more, and then I'm done. Then my brothers will be in town, and then I am moving back to college. And that's where I don't know what will happen any more. Yeah, life is confusing that way.

So, this week at camp I am working with one of the horse camps. I will be around horses for most of the week with 13 girls between the ages of 9 and 11. Camp is still under a fire ban, gosh darn heat. We've had so much thunder storms, but no rain. It is awful. Ah, one of the joys of working at camp. Last week was somewhat stressful, but still enjoyable. I think the most memorable of this is visiting the pond. We took the girls to the pond to canoe. I didn't want to go into the water, so I just was in the canoe with my fellow counselor Trek. Of course, the first thing that happens.... she tips the canoe. I land in the water in full clothing, shirt, jeans, shoes, socks. Everything. Thanks, Trek. Thanks.

Coffee cake is still delicious. Yummmy

This weekend was also so much fun. I had a movie night with Scott and Hotty, which was great, though I think I fell asleep through part of it. We were trying to accomplish our goal of having an XMen movie marathon. Alas, that did not happen. We only got through watching the first one. I also had a wonderful time visiting the temple. (For those of you reading this who are not Mormon, I am sorry if you do not fully understand this.) I asked Scott if he would join me to do baptisms. It was an awesome experience and I'm glad we got to do it. Especially since Scott is going to the MTC for an LDS mission to Australia next week. After that, we had an adventure going to Taco Bell, enjoying the air conditioning, playing cards, and watching a movie. Surprisingly, I made it home before 11pm. :) I am just that cool.

I wanted to say that I am doing better. Things are still hard. I don't like to show my sadness, but it's always there. It's odd to think that I won't see Adam this September. That I won't text him. There are no more funny texts and jokes between us. I see things from the Army, or men from the base and my heart aches. I wish I had my soldier back. But, I'm still going. I am pushing forward and having fun. I'm smiling and despite all of this, I am happy. Just because there's something hard and sad going on in life, doesn't mean you can't be happy despite it all. This is probably the hardest thing I've had to go through, and I'm not grateful it happened. But I am grateful for the experience I've gotten, for the growing I've done, for the friends and wonderful support that people give me. I have gotten closer to Heavenly Father, I've had to. And I'm grateful for that. It will take a long time before I'm completely back to normal, but it will happen. Hopefully.

Again, I would like to thank all of those people who have been there for me. Who are still there for me. Who let me talk to them, who help me smile, who love and care for me. I don't think that they all know how much they have done. A small smile can go a long way. A friendly "Hello," or "Are you doing better," can make the difference between a good day and a bad day. So Thank you. To all of those people.

That's pretty much all that has been going on in my life right now. Camp, weekends, hang out with friends, then back to camp. Repeat. Insert a bit of crying for emotional release, and that's my summer. I feel like I am being repetitive in my blogging. So I will end it there, and post next week, or sometime close to that. :)


Oh.... ps.... I'm starting to feel sick from the mass of coffee cake I just had :P Yeah.... thanks karma.

Summer Camp

So, I feel bad that I have not  updated this in a long time. I've been working at a summer camp, which takes up most of my time. When I do get breaks I like to read, nap, and reply to emails, so my blog has been the last thing on my mind. However, I thought to update it, and let you all know that things are doing all right.

I am doing better. I still think of Adam almost every day, but things are all right. At least I hope they are. I still worry about some things, but I've felt a lot of comfort from family, friends and Heavenly Father. I am very grateful for all the support. I am worried for school this upcoming semester. I will be going back to Utah State, which I am excited for. What I am not excited for is the junk I have to figure out for financial aid. I am also worried to get back into the swing of "social life". I have been in the mountains since a week after Adam's funeral, and I have gotten very comfortable where I am. I love the staff I work with and I feel like I can be myself. But, having to go to school is a bit intimidating, with all the newly weds, couples, and crazy singles, not to mention the guys that will be there. I'm not at all ready to date. And it kind of makes me nervous to have to face guys again. I used to be so confident in who I was and my relationship. And now, I am a bit more hesitant. I am hoping that is something that will heal with time. I'm sure I will be able to be myself. I am doing better every day. Which is good.

Camp is great. Like I said above, things are going well. I am having fun. Though I am a bit tired sometimes. The girls are fun. I love working with them. I enjoy being able to teach new things and sing all the songs. I also love the staff. They have been very supportive of me since I've come up. It's great. I do have a terrible farmers tan. It needs to go away. Curse you long pants and sleeves!!!! Ah well....

I think the highlight of this month has to be seeing Harry Potter opening night. It was so good. I went to see it with one of my good friends, Scott. I believe I cried 3 times in the movie, Scott claims it was 4. Either way, the movie was great!!!! It's sad to see Harry Potter finally end though. I've grown up with the books and the movies. It's part of my childhood. It's sad to see it end. Ah.... sadness. But, I love it. I will probably go see the movie again. And reread the books. Just because they are great.

The other highlight, of course, is just spending time on the weekend hanging with friends. I spend every weekend with either Hotty Donna, Scott or both of them. It's a party every time. I can tell you now that I could write an epic book of the many adventures I have with those two. It's going to be a sad day indeed when I have to move away from Colorado and not see them as often. And of course, Scott is going to Australia in 2 weeks!!! Wow.... crazy how time flies like that.

Anyway, hopefully, I will be able to update this more often. I'm trying to. At least I've gotten it to once a month. :) Maybe I can improve it to twice a month. Love you all. Thanks for the love and support. I'm glad to have such good family and friends through these hard times. I'm glad I am able to smile.

Pushing Through Life

So.... My last blog I informed everyone that my fiancee/boyfriend, Adam, had passed away while serving his country in Germany. Since then, I really haven't done much. I helped prepare for the funeral, went to the funeral, and came back home. I've mainly been trying to gather myself. Compose myself. I've been trying really hard to keep going.

Adam's funeral was beautiful. So many people spoke and said such wonderful things about him. He had a full military escort and got military honors. I've never had to do something so hard as to watch him go. To know I would never see him again. The entire time I only wished he could hug me and hold me. They way he would when he would comfort me whenever I was sad. It's hard for me, to think that he will never do that again. Sometimes I keep thinking he's still alive, and only in the military... I keep thinking I will get a friendly good morning text, or a random "I love you." But it never happens. I hate facing reality like that.

I got his engagement ring. He bought me an engagement ring forever ago. I found out about it in a way he would rather not have had me find out. He put me as his "second" when he bought the ring, and when he transferred from Oklahoma to Virginia, he forgot to tell the jewelry his address so he could pay them. So they sent me a notice, saying "This is what he bought, how much he owes, can you inform us of his address?" I called him as soon as I could, demanding an explanation. He was so funny when he was trying to tell me it was nothing. After he knew that I knew about it, he never stopped hounding me about marrying him. That Christmas (Christmas 2010). He pulled me into his kitchen and proposed to me, just alone. Nothing elaborate. I had told him not to propose cause I wasn't ready (I was still only 18), but he did anyway. I answered, "Possibly, but not right now." He smiled and replied. "That's still a yes." And put it on my finger. Then when his parents got home, he took it and put it back where it belonged. Well, I have it now. His parents gave it to me, when I visited Utah. It's the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. I don't really want to take it off. I've been wearing it, and I've been thinking I will until I feel like dating again. :/ ah.... dating.... I don't really want to date anymore. It's hard because I wonder how I could love someone else as much as I loved Adam..... Ah well, everyone says it will come with time.... I will just have to see if time helps.

Sorry about that long shpeel. I just type without thinking sometimes. Either way, he bought me that ring and it is pretty. So along with spending a lot of days holed up in my room, these past couple of weeks, I've had some amazing friends. I always knew they were amazing, but I think they put amazing to a whole new level. For the first week after Adam passed, they made sure I was smiling, keeping me busy. And when I do get down on myself, I get a whole lot of crap from them. They won't let me. It's nice to have them keeping an eye on me. I am especially grateful to Scott. He came to the funeral with me from Colorado. Dealt with the uncomfortable confines of my little brothers room. And made a great crying shoulder when I needed one. He also kept me smiling through that hard weekend. He will be serving an LDS mission in Australia at the end of the summer. It will be strange to not have him hanging out. But, really those Australians are super lucky to have him.

So, This next coming week I will finally be going up to the Summer Camp I'm working at. For however many of you read this.... You should all know that I try and work at summer camps every summer. Last year I worked at one in Utah, this year I'm trying one out in Colorado. I was supposed to start camp May 29th, however, Adam passed away the 28th. I couldn't start work, I was not in a state to be able to. I contacted my boss. She has been amazing to work with. She told me to take my time, and when I was ready they would find a spot for me. Wow. So, now I'm going to try my hand at working. I think it will do me some good to be serving youth again. I love it, that's why I'm going into an Eled Teaching Degree. So, I will finally be working at the summer camp. And then right after that, I will be going straight back to college.

I wanted to inform everyone.... I am doing better. Of course I'm not the same. I'm still not okay... I don't know how long it will take for me to be okay. But, I'm doing better. I'm pushing through things, and I'm able to smile again. I think about Adam constantly... I talk to him constantly too. I know he can hear me. Sometimes I tease him... or joke. It's strange to think that I will never live my life with him the way I thought I would. I had the names of our kids picked out, the wedding planned (in my head) and everything. So, it is weird for me to have to figure out a whole new plan... for me to have to start again. But, I think I can do it. I'm finally taking the steps to. Which is good.

Thanks for all your support. I'm glad to have so many people watching out for me. I will hopefully type up a new update soon.

Also, here is a photo montage of me and Adam. I couldn't help it. I wanted to put it up. These are all my favorite pictures of us. :) They make me smile. It also helps to know that these things actually happened. That I actually did fall in love with a real person and not a figment of my imagination. 

Adam James Armstrong Jan. 9, 1992 - May 28, 2011

Trials

My boyfriend (almost fiance) died while serving his country this past weekend. Adam James Armstrong. January 9, 1992 - May 28, 2011.

I loved him very much. He was probably the most amazing man I knew. I don't know how I will get through this. I just know that he deserves recognition for the true hero he was. He saved me in so many ways. And I know he touched many other people's lives. So many people have told me they care, that they are there for me, that they love me. I know they do. Yet, I feel so very alone. Part of me died... part of me is empty. He meant so much to me.

I know I will see him again. That he is watching me from heaven. That he is probably right here next to me. But, I still wish I could see him now. His smile, his blue eyes... everything. I miss every bit. He loved me so much. I felt such a true, unconditional love from him. It's a love that I won't feel from any other man.

I know, right now, that I must live for Adam. I know that he wants me to live. To grow. To have a family. He wouldn't want me to sulk... or ruin my life because of this. I will. I will be strong for him. And live for him. But, I also need time. This wound won't heal in just a few weeks.

I want to thank everyone, who is there for me and has been there for me. Through all the trials in my life. I want to thank them all for keeping me sane.... letting me cry.... making me smile. I didn't think I would be able to smile... yet, I have some friends who refuse to let me mope for too long. I'm glad for them. For my family... for my dad. And I'm glad for Adam. He is in a better place now. A place where he can feel so much love and peace. I am proud of him. I always will be. He never ever disappointed me.

Adam, I love you. I always have and I always will. I miss you like crazy right now. I wish I could hear your voice and feel your arms around me. You made me feel so special. I'm glad I met you. I wouldn't give up our relationship for anything. If I had the choice to be with you, knowing you would be dead a few years later, I would do it. I would go through all this pain again. I love you with all my heart. That will never change. Thank you for brightening up my life and being a part of me. That part will never leave. I love you. Always. -kiss-

Leavin School, Being Home, and Cars

All right. My computer is fixed, finals are done, school is out, and summer is here. :D

My last days at USU were interesting. Studying all day, hanging out with friends, and singing in the rain. Literally non-stop rain. It was ridiculous. We saw the sun for 2 days maybe, and then it was gone, more rain. However, I did well in all my classes. In Creative Arts I got an A, Anthropology was an A, Energy was an A-, Biology was an A-, Math was an A-, and then I took Big Band Swing Dance. So, I feel I did rather well.

I miss all my friends up there. It was sad to have to say good bye to every one of them. Practically every single guy I know is heading off on their mission soon. Congrats to them all. They will be great I know it. :D All my other "gal pals" (lol I just really wanted to say that) will be back this fall. But the summer without them will be interesting. I got so used to living in the dorm room, just a few feet away from all my friends, that living in my own home has been different. I miss everyone, especially Mishelae and Franchesca. We got so close and we're all in separate places now for the summer. It was crazy having to say good bye to them all. I swear everyone was crying. It was sad.

Those are my friends from college. Yup we're pretty great. From left to right --> Richie (going to Thailand this summer), Me, Franchesca, Zajac on top (going to Virginia for his mission) and Mishelae. Yeah, we party like there's no tomorrow at USU. Go Aggies!!

Now, it's summer, however, you can barely tell. I swear, I come home to Colorado and it's been pouring rain for 2 weeks straight. I thought I left the rain behind in Utah. But, it's nice to be back. I've been spending time with my Dad, Stepmom and friends.

It's been a party with Scott and Hotty Donna. We've been going and grabbing yogurt, free pie wednesdays, and movie nights. Scott and I even beat Super Mario Bros Wii. We got all the big coins and beat world nine. I swear I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. So many inside jokes and crazyness. I'm trying to hang out with Scott as much as I can. Cause he'll be serving his mission in Australia and leaving at the end of the summer. Then I will just have to bombard him with letters. Bwahaha

Now that my computer has been fixed, I have finally been able to skype Adam. He's been doing well in Germany. He says is beautiful over there. I'm sort of jealous. All these guys getting to go to exotic places. But, things are going well for him and he'll be visiting in September. :D I'm excited.

Also, I finally got a car. I would like to thank my grandma Buckwalter for selling me hers. Yes, it is old. It's a 1990 oldsmobile. But it runs great and it will get me around for college. It gets great gas mileage. And it's super sturdy. If I get in a wreck, this car will survive it all (unless it faces a gianormous truck). But, I didn't spend too much on it. I actually am thinking of replacing the stereo, cause it doesn't work. So I'm working into my budget to see if I can do it. But, this car should serve me well. I'm excited to actually have a car of my own. Even if it's a grandma car. I like it.

That's the summary of my life. I should be starting work soon. I will be working at a summer camp this year. So it should be super fun. :D

not having a computer

I am so sorry for not updating this very much.... In summary, my computer died. I haven't been able to use it. And currently, with school and finals, whenever I use a computer or the computer lab I do it for homework.

Yes, I know it is surprising. I am a good student. Lol. I do work on my homework.

In other notes. I have been back in Utah, doing school work, and registering for classes. I hope that I am able to get all my classes that I want. I should be able to, but I am a little worried.

I hope to be able to do a better update soon.

in Colorado

All righty!! So, this week is Spring Break, and I'm currently visiting my dad. I haven't been home since Thanksgiving, so it is so wonderful to be back.

My laptop is broken... so that's a downer. Hopefully we will get it fixed soon. It heats up super fast so it is burning then slows down, so it's hard to use.... >< Yeah, hopefully it gets fixed. I'm so dependent on my laptop at school.

Not much has been going on. I've just been relaxing and hanging out mostly. It's nice to not have school, though I have to keep working on a research paper. Blegh... I've mainly spent a lot of my time hanging out with friends.
I was up late friday night hanging out with Ra.
Then on Saturday I hung out with Scott, Hotty-D and Chan. Yes, it was a party.
Sunday was great. I got to go back to the home ward and see everyone. I loved being able to say Hi. I wasn't able to see them over Thanksgiving, so it has been a really long time since I have talked to them.
Today, I woke up ate breakfast, worked on an essay and then hung out with Scott. Here's the weird thing. We went out to eat and then went to the dollar store. Scott's tires were fine when we went into the store... but when we got out, one was mysteriously flat. Not like a little flat, but as if someone had slashed the tire... we don't know what happened to it... [insert mysterious twilight zone music here]. But then, we went out and partied with Super Mario Bros Wii.

*NEW GOAL* Finish the Super Mario Bros Wii game with Scott before the end of break. Yes... I will tell you how that goes. We are currently on world 5 I think..... yup.

Sorry I have no picture to show you... I'm too lazy to upload one. But that is my current happenings in Colorado :D

This

I pretty much failed at updating my blog once a week. I've just been so super duper busy. I don't mean to be, but any time that I think of updating this, I'm always busy. Take now for example. I should be studying for my Energy Test that I have in my next class. But I got bored... and so now I am briefly updating :D

Yes, I can't believe it's been over two weeks since I last did this. Well, that's okay, because not much has happened since I last posted. Oh! I did go to my friend Mishelae's house over Presidents day weekend. That was fun. I got to hang out with her and her family and my good friend Franchesca. Just cause we are super awesome like that. We made some really good cookies. They were yummy.

After that I came back, and pretty much my life has just been school. Tests, homework, projects. I have to start on a research paper.

Also! I am so excited. Tomorrow I am leaving for Colorado. I'm gonna spend a week there for Spring Break!! I haven't been home in so long and it's going to be wonderful to go back.

Other than that, nothing has really happened. ^^ YAY for quick updates.

PS Never, ever walk around in blizzards with only crocs. Your feet get cold and you slip and fall and hurt yourself. Trust me. I know from experience.

Updating

I have made a promise to a good friend that I would update this at least once a week. So here is the weekly update. Just cause!! I know I cut it close, but I did it. :P

So, anyway, stuff going on. I still have lots of homework, tests and such like that. I'm still working on getting into my program. I need to start on my CIL tests, which I am not at all looking forward to.

I finally was able to talk to Adam after about 2 weeks of not hearing from him. He hasn't gotten to explore Germany much, but he says things are going well. The base is much the same to all other bases, and all he really does is eat, sleep, and work. I feel bad for that... cause there should be more excitement or things to do, especially in Germany.

I kind of wish more was going on, so I could write about it. Oh! Elder Ballard is coming to the Spectrum to speak on Joseph Smith. I'm looking forward to going to that. I'm in the Institute Choir and so I will be singing. It should be lots of fun.

I had a bit of a hard week this week, mainly because of tests going bad, or just stress hitting me at once. I am doing a lot better. But that's really all that's been going on. I am helping friends apartment hunt today, and so that should be an adventure. I'm happy I don't have to deal with that. Thanks so much to my aunt Mindi, for letting me move in next semester. :D

Oh, picture above is me making Valentines with my friends in college. YOU GUYS ARE SO SUPER AWESOME!! :D

Okey dokes

So, life is going. End of January, beginning of February. Time seems to be moving so fast. Classes seem to be going well. I have two tests to go this week, one in Biology the other in Energy. Depending on how I do with those will inform me how I'm doing overall in the class. I will then know what classes I need to work on and what classes I won't stress out about. So, hopefully things are going well.

Adam has officially been sent to Germany, as of tomorrow. He is flying there tomorrow and will be there for I don't know how long. I hope he's safe and has a safe trip. He seems very excited, which is good. Hopefully the 8 hour time-difference will not be too difficult to deal with. That and the international phone calls (I still have to see how that will work with my phone plan).

Yes, I must admit not much has been going on. My FIG (Freshman Interest Group) did make valentines and cards, that was quite fun. I also have two friends who practically live in my room who decided it would be fun to decorate my room with pictures they drew. So, that was fun to see. Yes, my friends are awesome. :D

So, there is an update for you all, though I don't know how many of you read this.But, for those who do.... You are awesome.

Classes and more classes

So, I thought I would update, because updating is fun, or at least when you have nothing else to do.

School... Yes, that is going. That is pretty much my life. School, then homework, more classes, some more homework, a concert, and more class, and maybe a movie slipped in. However, it is now the third week of classes, so we are getting into the dirty stuff now. No more light-weight "no homework because it's the start of the semester" days. Sadly :( I'm going to have to say that currently my favorite class would have to be Creative Arts. It's simple, fun and entertaining. I do miss some of the classes that I had last semester. I had some really good lecture and debate classes that I don't have anymore because all my classes are Math or Science.... so it's lame. But, ah well... that's life sometimes.

What else is going on????? Well, my roommate moved out, so now I have my own room. Which is nice. I'm starting all my applications for summer camps and summer jobs. I believe I will probably be moving back to CO for the summer. Which will be really nice to be back home. :D

Anyway, fun little update, that I know probably won't be read by all that many people, but that's okay. At least it is out there for the fun of it...
Love ya <3

Oh... I found out I can add pictures. So here is my super awesome snowman that my brother Chris and I made over Christmas. Yup... I would definitely rather be there making snowmen, than here doing homework.... 

The first week

So, I have just gotten through the first week back at college. New classes and everything. Yup, I know, it's pretty exciting.
Back at USU and I am taking 8 classes and Institute. I'm taking Book of Mormon Institute with the best Institute instructor ever. Seriously, Brother Salmond is completely awesome. I love that class so much. I have it 2 days a week, and sometimes I wish I could have it more often.
My other classes include, Creative Arts, Math 2020 (which is math and teaching math for elementary school teachers), Life Science, Anthropology: cultures around the world, Physical Science (energy), and Big Band Swing.
I must admit, out of all of those, I am most excited for Creative Arts and Big Band Swing, they have been completely awesome so far. My Physical Science and Math 2020 classes, however, seem to be adding the most to my workload. But, I will get by. Hopefully things aren't going to be too bad.

Classes aside, it's been great being back with my friends. We've hung out a lot and had an amazing week. We have had some game nights, which included us laughing for literally about 6 minutes. Nonstop. It was hilarious. We also had an all nighter movie night. Ah, college, how fun you are. One nice thing is.... 3 day weekend!! Yes! That makes me quite happy. I will be enjoying that to it's fullest. :D

1/1/11

Happy New Year everyone!!! I hope everyone's year goes great. I totally decided to do a blog. I don't know if people will read it, but I will try to update is as best I can. So here is my attempt at a blog. We will see how long it goes.... (please note, if you follow me on Deviantart, this is my current journal).

Not much going on for me. I have to buy textbooks, get ready for a new semester, start my applications for summer camp, but everything should be just awesome.
New Year's for me was pretty good. It started out quite bad (with some family issues...) but I managed through all right. Adam (my boyfriend) managed to get me a taxi to his house when he found out I wouldn't be able to join him for New Year's. He was amazing. He pulled through and that made my night. Just to be able to spend the last night with him. He flew back to Virginia this morning. He has to be back at the army base by this tomorrow morning, sharp. So last night was the last time I will be seeing him for a while.
However, despite the high emotions running through my head.... the New Year should be great. I don't know much about what will happen, but I have some plans.

EPIC PLANS FOR NEW YEAR!!!!!
I plan on getting back to school, I have to start all the tests and requirements so I can get into my program. I will be applying to get to the Special Ed program this October (yes it seems so far away, but seriously, with all I need to do, it will come fast). I am taking Math 2020, two science courses, Anthropology 2010, and a swing dancing class. Hopefully the science and math courses won't overwhelm me too much.
I plan on working at a Girl Scout Camp over the summer again. However, I don't think I will be at Cloud Rim. I am probably going to end up working in Colorado. YAY SUMMER!!!
After summer, I plan on going back to college. I will probably be living with my aunt. I will apply to the program and then the seriousness begins!!!
Somewhere in all that mess I hope to see Adam a few times. He should be visiting for a week during the summer, and another couple of weeks over Christmas next year. Ah well... here goes counting down 6 months....
 Also, Everyone, please wish him good luck. Pray for him or something... He is being stationed in Germany in February and will be there for at least a year, most likely two. Wish him luck. Thanks.

Then it's another year..... wow.... not so epic really......

HOPE YOUR NEW YEAR IS GRAND!!!!