Trials

My boyfriend (almost fiance) died while serving his country this past weekend. Adam James Armstrong. January 9, 1992 - May 28, 2011.

I loved him very much. He was probably the most amazing man I knew. I don't know how I will get through this. I just know that he deserves recognition for the true hero he was. He saved me in so many ways. And I know he touched many other people's lives. So many people have told me they care, that they are there for me, that they love me. I know they do. Yet, I feel so very alone. Part of me died... part of me is empty. He meant so much to me.

I know I will see him again. That he is watching me from heaven. That he is probably right here next to me. But, I still wish I could see him now. His smile, his blue eyes... everything. I miss every bit. He loved me so much. I felt such a true, unconditional love from him. It's a love that I won't feel from any other man.

I know, right now, that I must live for Adam. I know that he wants me to live. To grow. To have a family. He wouldn't want me to sulk... or ruin my life because of this. I will. I will be strong for him. And live for him. But, I also need time. This wound won't heal in just a few weeks.

I want to thank everyone, who is there for me and has been there for me. Through all the trials in my life. I want to thank them all for keeping me sane.... letting me cry.... making me smile. I didn't think I would be able to smile... yet, I have some friends who refuse to let me mope for too long. I'm glad for them. For my family... for my dad. And I'm glad for Adam. He is in a better place now. A place where he can feel so much love and peace. I am proud of him. I always will be. He never ever disappointed me.

Adam, I love you. I always have and I always will. I miss you like crazy right now. I wish I could hear your voice and feel your arms around me. You made me feel so special. I'm glad I met you. I wouldn't give up our relationship for anything. If I had the choice to be with you, knowing you would be dead a few years later, I would do it. I would go through all this pain again. I love you with all my heart. That will never change. Thank you for brightening up my life and being a part of me. That part will never leave. I love you. Always. -kiss-