New Year Happenings

As always... here is my new year post. A look back on things. This year seemed to just pass by. No joke, it just went by so quickly.

Well, first of all, since I haven't posted since November, I will just give a quick overview of Christmas, which was great. I started off the holiday with movie happenings. I think I've seen Frozen more times than any other new movie this year. It was freakin' adorable. Also, Hobbit party, since guess what?!?! Benedict Cumberbatch starred as Smaug. Then took the Middle School Math Praxis. Here's hoping I pass it. I'm still waiting on the scores. It was a very stressful test this month. I moved on to spend Christmas in Colorado. It was great. I just was a bit lazy. But I saw family, friends and just sorta took a nice breather. It was also nice, cause I got lots of clothes (which I needed, cause mine were wearing out and I work...). Also, Wesley called... and he's officially in Korea. Gosh, I miss him. It's weird that he's actually gone.... like I'm so used to just talking to him. And we are very close. He's doing well.

Wes and his Companion in Korea

All right... Now my highlights of 2013!!! Here you are:

• Spring semester: it was a nice breather. Especially since I felt like I started off the semester kind of rough. Struggling with life as a special ed major... and wow... rough beginning month to 2013. 
• Spring semester continued: It turned out very well... and one of my favorites. 
• Turned 21... and went to a bar... and yeah. Being 21, it's crazy....
• Worked at Trefoil for my second year, Girl Scouts of Utah for my third year... and summer camps overall for who knows how long. SO MUCH FUN :D
  

Mystery, T-Shirt, Rain and Me (Bandit)

• Both my missionaries came home!! My friend Scott (from Australia) and my cousin Tyler (from Sweden). That was so much fun to see them both again. Not to mention all the other boys I know that came home from missions around the same time. 

Ty with his sisters Amanda and Beth

• Moved into a new apartment, which was a bit big, seeing as I've spent the past 2 years with my aunt Mindi. I got to meet some new roommates, which was an adventure. 
• Started another semester at USU, which turned out to be awesome!! I got a wonderful group of first graders to teach. And did pretty well in my classes. Felt very good about the semester. 
• Got onto USU Big Band Swing Team, Swing Set. Which has been amazing. I love the team and we've all become fast friends. We should be performing the routine soonish.... We've almost got it down. 
• Met some wonderful new people that I have grown to love. Tanner, Conner, Jen, Jon, Richard, Bri (we rekindled our friendship), and of course my roommates Ashley, Callie, Lindsey and Steph. 

Tanner, Me, Ty and Jen

 Bri, Jon, Richard, Me

• .... ALMOST DONE, PROMISE..... Best highlight was seeing my little brother off on his mission. He's doing very well and we all miss him. I'm keeping up a blog for him if you wish to take a look at that: http://elderwesleybuckwalter.blogspot.com/
• All the fabulous shows and movies that came out. The Doctor Who 50th Anniversary, The Hobbit, Frozen, All the super hero movies, SHERLOCK IS COMING OUT TOMORROW!!! Watching shows with friends. Supernatural marathon is still happening.

Looking back on 2013, I had a great great year. It went by very fast. I'm really looking forward to 2014. I'm hoping it will go as good as this year. I'm looking forward to spending it with friends and family that I love. This semester will be tough, but I'm hoping to pull it off.

My 5 Resolutions this year: Exercise (be active, dance a bit more), Consistent Scripture Study, Better sleep schedule (like that will happen, I'm a student), Hopefully updating a blog once a month,  Keeping in touch with my brother.

Happy New Years!!!!

Thankful...

((warning... this is long... but I just wanted to write it all... and express myself))

I know that Thanksgiving isn't quite here.... but I wanted to post this. I've had a bit of a rough week. Just small things adding up to take an emotional toll on me and I was just so tired and done. I look back and I have realized this past month I've just felt off.... I've felt more down, more depressed, I couldn't dance, I just felt like not myself. I decided to make a turn-around last week... and chose to do things to make me feel more spiritually balanced, more happy, and more confident. Of course... right when I choose to do that.... I get this rough week.

Well... today I realized it's all just going to be okay. I'm an anxious person. I over-analyze things and tend to make things more stressful than they should be. And today, I was driving home from work and just thought back on my whole life. And just thought of all the stressful things I've been through... the trials, the tests (and I mean school exams), the good things, the stuff that I put my whole heart and soul into... and I just realized it all worked out. It all worked out in the end.

I am so so so thankful for how I've grown. Everything I've been through and done... I've just grown so much. I know a lot of people have trials and grow and everyone's life is different. But I'm just grateful for the things that I have experienced. I'm grateful for my family that is there for me through all of it, even if they can be stressful too. I'm so grateful for my friends. Both the new and the old. They are all there for me and I love that.

I'm grateful for all the experiences. I'm grateful for my twin brothers... those two changed my family forever. Their disabilities enabled our family more. They don't know how much they affected my life. It is because of them that I am a Special Ed teacher. It is because of them that I was able to grow so much as a child. That I became more caring and accepting. I was able to see people for who they were. Just yesterday, my mom told me how Chris was playing music in the house that reminded him of me. How excited he is to see my on Thanksgiving.

I'm grateful for all the moves I had to do. I went to 4-ish high schools and moved a lot. This helped me to make friends. To meet more people. To be confident. I learned to much from each school and each group of friends I met. It was a huge pain as I did them.... but it worked out. And if I hadn't have moved to Spanish Fork, I wouldn't have gone to CO, and living in Colorado was one of the best things I had ever done. I met more wonderful friends that are still in my life. I grew. And I got to live outside of Utah.... that is an experience (guys Utah is a bubble).

I'm grateful for the tests I had to go through these past four years of college. It was rough... but it's happening. Utah State University is such a wonderful place. I can't imagine my college life anywhere else.

There is so much more I could say. But the point is.... I'm grateful for my experiences and my whole life. And sometimes I don't focus on that. I just look at the present and think of the now.... and I don't look at all that I have accomplished. All that I have done. Just what I need to do... and no one likes that. Remember to look back and smile at all the things you have done.

I got an email from my brother today (serving his mission in Korea). He said "Anyway, I love you so much. You say you look up to me Gina, but I've always looked up to you. I sometimes think if you were here with me, if we could be companions or something like that, we'd be so effective and fun! I sometimes wish that I could act like you sometimes. I often wish that I could borrow some of the gifts God has given you, like I wish I had your teaching skills or your personality or your work ethic or your endurance."

To hear that... and read that at a time where I feel like I'm struggling... like I'm walking waist-deep through peanut butter and moving so slowly... and not accomplishing anything at all. It helped. It helped a lot.

I'm grateful for the Lord. And the people he put in my life. And the small tender-mercies that I see daily (if I just open my eyes and look for them). Getting this email, having class cancelled, seeing my students succeed at things they struggled with..... things like that. Just all of it. It helped me end on a good note this week.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Long times....

Wow.... I haven't used this blog since March???? That is kind of sad. Although.... I kind of feel that most everyone who reads this blog knows what's been going on in my life. But for the sake of things... I guess I will summarize what has happened since March. (starting up the habit of using a blog again, so that I can start posting on Wesley's missionary blog)

I really just finished class from last semester. Got good grades. And moved on to summer. I spent the first month of summer in Colorado, just hanging out, spending time with friends and family. I usually do that. I chose to work at Trefoil Ranch, a summer camp in Utah this year, as the camp in Colorado was still closed. This was my second year at Trefoil, and I must say one of my best. It really was, though we were understaffed, the staff seemed very united and we all pretty much got along. It was a lot of fun, and I met so many amazing and wonderful people. I loved out new camp director, Journey. She was fabulous and did amazing with the camp for her first year. I'm hoping to return next summer and that some of our amazing staff will return as well. So, thanks all my summer camp friends for making things completely amazing.

Pixie, Thunder, T-Shirt, Me and Strawberry

So, that gives you an idea for summer. Then I started school and such. Which really has been great. A little intense, but super good. I have 3 practicums this semester. I teach a wonderful little first grade reading group. I love working with them and they are amazing. I have a third grader that I tutor twice a week. I also am teaching two PE classes every Monday (starting next Monday). So... kind of intense. I think the class I'm most nervous for is PE. Oddly enough, that's just the class that seems more chaotic. But, I'm hoping working with summer camp will prepare me a little. We're coming in on week 8 and midterms... so it is kind of crazy that I'm already almost done with the semester. But, hey... it's going great. I'm feeling super confident with my classes and I just overall feel good. 

The rest of my life (classes and practicum aside) is spent doing swing dancing. I'm still the President of USU's Big Band Swing club, which is going pretty good. I'm trying to get it more "on the map" with activity and participation. But, hey things are going. I love it. I've actually helped teach some of the lessons, which is pretty cool (cause I'm not good at the leads at all). I also am on Swing Set, the USU B team. That has been super fun. I have a great partner and our coaches are great and it's just fun to learn new things. So, there's that....

Homecoming Week
Anne, Jody, Marcquessa, Tanner, Jess (I think), Me

So, that is my life. Things have been good. Just doing homework, swing and hanging out. I've met some amazing people and love hanging out with them. Coming in on week 8 of school and fall break. Also!!! Wesley had is mission farewell this past weekend. He did so good. He may not realize this, but he will be a wonderful missionary and I'm going to miss him a lot. He'll have an amazing time in South Korea. So, I'll be helping keep his blog up, so if you want to visit that it's .... http://elderwesleybuckwalter.blogspot.com/

starkid madness

Wow..... sooooooooo writing about things. Cause that's what blogs are for. And I'm sorry... I have lots of friends that write interesting blogs that are creatively stimulating. However, mine is more like... hey, this is my life. So lemme throw my life at ya cause that's what is happening. So... in accordance to all previous blog posts, here is what has happened to me over Spring Break.

Also.... before Spring Break nothing happened. Seriously. It was just school, swing, homework, and more school. So.... not much to tell there.

SPRING BREAK:

((what is sad is that i don't have any many photos to add onto this))

So this week was my mom's birthday, which was great. It was a lot of focus on my mom and spending time with her. We had quite a few mom-daughter dates which was wonderful. I loved just having my mom to myself for a while, especially since I live a little farther away and don't get to see her that often.

Another thing, was my little brother was ordained into the Melchizedek priesthood and that was fun. Not only was I able to see my brother accomplishing some awesome stuff, but my dad and stepmom were there. What's strange, is thinking that my little brother is going away on his mission soon. What is up with that? I'm really going to miss him. We have gotten really close this past year and we talk a lot and just hang out. And we have all these jokes and I just love him. He's pretty great. There's been a lot of just hanging out with him this break. We just chill and talk and watch shows and be around each other. It's been great to spend time with him. And I really will miss him.

So, the day before my mom's birthday, Wes and I decided to decorate the house with streamers and balloons. That was fun. We cleaned the house with loud music in the background then decked the whole place out. And my mom walked in and it was the best thing ever. And we also made her a cake, which was really yummy and I surprised myself with my ability to make cakes. Then the next day, for her birthday, my mom took me and Wesley to the Leonardo in Salt Lake where there was a mummy exhibit with mummies from all over. It was creepy, but really cool and awesome. And I loved that. It was really cool to see all those people and wow. Craziness.

The other exciting moment for me, if I am brutally honest, was Starkid's premiere of A Very Potter Senior Year. The final show of their A Very Potter Musical trilogy. I have become attached to starkid lately. They have some great musical parodies and their music just makes me happy. I stayed up with Wesley to watch AVPSY and it was great. Not only because Starkid is just always awesome, but they have also prolonged Harry Potter for me. Harry Potter is just brilliant and I love how so many people my age find ways to keep him and the whole series alive. Besides, AVPSY was just hilarious. I laughed so hard. (Also Wesley got me Starkid's soundtrack to their musical Starship for my brithday. So he's just awesome)

Which brings me to today.... I'm staying up with Wesley and we are just goofing around. I'm driving back home tomorrow and then the craziness really starts happening. Next week is crazy, I already know that I have homework all over the place. So, I need to catch up on that, since I just had fun this week. Not only that, but I'm pretty sure my friend Hotty is coming over and visiting me. And then there is also some birthday stuff happening, and I'm gonna have friends over for a pizza-movie night. And then after that it is easter, then general conference, and finally finals. And wow, life will just move super fast after tomorrow.

Here's hoping I survive. And I will probably end up watching AVPSY again, cause I really enjoyed it. :)

a secret

Sometimes, a lot of times actually, I imagine myself in a whole different way. Accomplishing things that never, ever in my dreams would I accomplish presently. Meeting people that I have idolized since I was little. Changing the world somehow. Making my family proud and being proud of myself.
I imagine a person that could be anyone. Someone being accomplished enough to be on Ellen, to have her think I'm amazing. Or being friends with stars, my age, that have accomplished so much (Daniel Radcliffe, Colin Morgan, Darren Criss, Skandar Keynes to name a few). Even something as small as being asked out on a date... and not having to ask the guy out. Being noticed. Being worthwhile.

Looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking... Wow... my life is a dream.

It's not that I'm not proud of what I've done. My life is amazing. Yes I have gone on dates (even if I ask the guy). I have a wonderful family. My little brothers (both with special needs) have inspired me to do so much. I am a Special Ed major, a career choice I love. But sometimes school is so hard... and I feel so behind. And I don't understand some things... and it makes me think. What if I can't be a special ed teacher? What if I never make it? What if I do become a teacher and can't help those kids? What if I don't know what to do?

AND THAT'S JUST BEING A TEACHER.... someone who gets paid squat to help children who have fallen through the cracks... who have no one else become something. Just because she wants to make a difference. 

But what if I can't? What if I don't make a difference??
 
It is so much easier to just pretend I'm someone special. To imagine what it would be like if I actually had pursued singing, or practiced enough on my violin to be amazing at it. Or if I had followed my little kid heart to act in a movie (the funny thing is, I was as shy as hell). Or if I had put more effort to get my poetry and short stories published. Or maybe now, if I pursued dancing. Would I have been able to change the world then? 

I just.... I just wish that I could accomplish something completely and utterly amazing. And I feel like I haven't done that yet. And maybe I just don't work hard enough. I'm sure I could do more, maybe push myself harder. 

I hope people are proud of me. Because I want them to be. I want to be successful and show the world that I am amazing. Even if no one else thinks so.