((warning... this is long... but I just wanted to write it all... and express myself))
I know that Thanksgiving isn't quite here.... but I wanted to post this. I've had a bit of a rough week. Just small things adding up to take an emotional toll on me and I was just so tired and done. I look back and I have realized this past month I've just felt off.... I've felt more down, more depressed, I couldn't dance, I just felt like not myself. I decided to make a turn-around last week... and chose to do things to make me feel more spiritually balanced, more happy, and more confident. Of course... right when I choose to do that.... I get this rough week.
Well... today I realized it's all just going to be okay. I'm an anxious person. I over-analyze things and tend to make things more stressful than they should be. And today, I was driving home from work and just thought back on my whole life. And just thought of all the stressful things I've been through... the trials, the tests (and I mean school exams), the good things, the stuff that I put my whole heart and soul into... and I just realized it all worked out. It all worked out in the end.
I am so so so thankful for how I've grown. Everything I've been through and done... I've just grown so much. I know a lot of people have trials and grow and everyone's life is different. But I'm just grateful for the things that I have experienced. I'm grateful for my family that is there for me through all of it, even if they can be stressful too. I'm so grateful for my friends. Both the new and the old. They are all there for me and I love that.
I'm grateful for all the experiences. I'm grateful for my twin brothers... those two changed my family forever. Their disabilities enabled our family more. They don't know how much they affected my life. It is because of them that I am a Special Ed teacher. It is because of them that I was able to grow so much as a child. That I became more caring and accepting. I was able to see people for who they were. Just yesterday, my mom told me how Chris was playing music in the house that reminded him of me. How excited he is to see my on Thanksgiving.
I'm grateful for all the moves I had to do. I went to 4-ish high schools and moved a lot. This helped me to make friends. To meet more people. To be confident. I learned to much from each school and each group of friends I met. It was a huge pain as I did them.... but it worked out. And if I hadn't have moved to Spanish Fork, I wouldn't have gone to CO, and living in Colorado was one of the best things I had ever done. I met more wonderful friends that are still in my life. I grew. And I got to live outside of Utah.... that is an experience (guys Utah is a bubble).
I'm grateful for the tests I had to go through these past four years of college. It was rough... but it's happening. Utah State University is such a wonderful place. I can't imagine my college life anywhere else.
There is so much more I could say. But the point is.... I'm grateful for my experiences and my whole life. And sometimes I don't focus on that. I just look at the present and think of the now.... and I don't look at all that I have accomplished. All that I have done. Just what I need to do... and no one likes that. Remember to look back and smile at all the things you have done.
I got an email from my brother today (serving his mission in Korea). He said "Anyway, I love you so much. You say you look up to
me Gina, but I've always looked up to you. I sometimes think if you were
here with me, if we could be companions or something like that, we'd be
so effective and fun! I sometimes wish that I could act like you
sometimes. I often wish that I could borrow some of the gifts God has
given you, like I wish I had your teaching skills or your personality or
your work ethic or your endurance."
To hear that... and read that at a time where I feel like I'm struggling... like I'm walking waist-deep through peanut butter and moving so slowly... and not accomplishing anything at all. It helped. It helped a lot.
I'm grateful for the Lord. And the people he put in my life. And the small tender-mercies that I see daily (if I just open my eyes and look for them). Getting this email, having class cancelled, seeing my students succeed at things they struggled with..... things like that. Just all of it. It helped me end on a good note this week.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
