Trials

My boyfriend (almost fiance) died while serving his country this past weekend. Adam James Armstrong. January 9, 1992 - May 28, 2011.

I loved him very much. He was probably the most amazing man I knew. I don't know how I will get through this. I just know that he deserves recognition for the true hero he was. He saved me in so many ways. And I know he touched many other people's lives. So many people have told me they care, that they are there for me, that they love me. I know they do. Yet, I feel so very alone. Part of me died... part of me is empty. He meant so much to me.

I know I will see him again. That he is watching me from heaven. That he is probably right here next to me. But, I still wish I could see him now. His smile, his blue eyes... everything. I miss every bit. He loved me so much. I felt such a true, unconditional love from him. It's a love that I won't feel from any other man.

I know, right now, that I must live for Adam. I know that he wants me to live. To grow. To have a family. He wouldn't want me to sulk... or ruin my life because of this. I will. I will be strong for him. And live for him. But, I also need time. This wound won't heal in just a few weeks.

I want to thank everyone, who is there for me and has been there for me. Through all the trials in my life. I want to thank them all for keeping me sane.... letting me cry.... making me smile. I didn't think I would be able to smile... yet, I have some friends who refuse to let me mope for too long. I'm glad for them. For my family... for my dad. And I'm glad for Adam. He is in a better place now. A place where he can feel so much love and peace. I am proud of him. I always will be. He never ever disappointed me.

Adam, I love you. I always have and I always will. I miss you like crazy right now. I wish I could hear your voice and feel your arms around me. You made me feel so special. I'm glad I met you. I wouldn't give up our relationship for anything. If I had the choice to be with you, knowing you would be dead a few years later, I would do it. I would go through all this pain again. I love you with all my heart. That will never change. Thank you for brightening up my life and being a part of me. That part will never leave. I love you. Always. -kiss-

Leavin School, Being Home, and Cars

All right. My computer is fixed, finals are done, school is out, and summer is here. :D

My last days at USU were interesting. Studying all day, hanging out with friends, and singing in the rain. Literally non-stop rain. It was ridiculous. We saw the sun for 2 days maybe, and then it was gone, more rain. However, I did well in all my classes. In Creative Arts I got an A, Anthropology was an A, Energy was an A-, Biology was an A-, Math was an A-, and then I took Big Band Swing Dance. So, I feel I did rather well.

I miss all my friends up there. It was sad to have to say good bye to every one of them. Practically every single guy I know is heading off on their mission soon. Congrats to them all. They will be great I know it. :D All my other "gal pals" (lol I just really wanted to say that) will be back this fall. But the summer without them will be interesting. I got so used to living in the dorm room, just a few feet away from all my friends, that living in my own home has been different. I miss everyone, especially Mishelae and Franchesca. We got so close and we're all in separate places now for the summer. It was crazy having to say good bye to them all. I swear everyone was crying. It was sad.

Those are my friends from college. Yup we're pretty great. From left to right --> Richie (going to Thailand this summer), Me, Franchesca, Zajac on top (going to Virginia for his mission) and Mishelae. Yeah, we party like there's no tomorrow at USU. Go Aggies!!

Now, it's summer, however, you can barely tell. I swear, I come home to Colorado and it's been pouring rain for 2 weeks straight. I thought I left the rain behind in Utah. But, it's nice to be back. I've been spending time with my Dad, Stepmom and friends.

It's been a party with Scott and Hotty Donna. We've been going and grabbing yogurt, free pie wednesdays, and movie nights. Scott and I even beat Super Mario Bros Wii. We got all the big coins and beat world nine. I swear I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. So many inside jokes and crazyness. I'm trying to hang out with Scott as much as I can. Cause he'll be serving his mission in Australia and leaving at the end of the summer. Then I will just have to bombard him with letters. Bwahaha

Now that my computer has been fixed, I have finally been able to skype Adam. He's been doing well in Germany. He says is beautiful over there. I'm sort of jealous. All these guys getting to go to exotic places. But, things are going well for him and he'll be visiting in September. :D I'm excited.

Also, I finally got a car. I would like to thank my grandma Buckwalter for selling me hers. Yes, it is old. It's a 1990 oldsmobile. But it runs great and it will get me around for college. It gets great gas mileage. And it's super sturdy. If I get in a wreck, this car will survive it all (unless it faces a gianormous truck). But, I didn't spend too much on it. I actually am thinking of replacing the stereo, cause it doesn't work. So I'm working into my budget to see if I can do it. But, this car should serve me well. I'm excited to actually have a car of my own. Even if it's a grandma car. I like it.

That's the summary of my life. I should be starting work soon. I will be working at a summer camp this year. So it should be super fun. :D